Objective: Create a short about your OC in a creative, entertaining manner. Must have a cohesive story! I took some time to explain how Dar and Lit met up with Adi, who ended up employing them. And before you all go telling me what I should fix, let me tell you what I already know should be changed. Spoiler: Stuff I could fix and why I didn't do it. -A non static map and background. -Some animtion or simple rigging on the basic poses while talking. -A text box for dar's text, since it can be hard to read at times. (in fact just a primary or set location for any textbox in general) -No glow for Adi's text. -A bit better camera work. -Some background music instead of wind noise.(I couldn't find any that would fit this time around.) -Less explanation through text and more through actions(personal opinion.) As for why I didn't fix that stuff? Well first off I want to have a better laptop so I can make more complex stuff without it lagging. Secondly, I don't have all of the resources I need yet, so I'm a bit limited in what I can do. Finally, I actually plan on remaking this a year or two from now. And that's mainly because I don't feel like I was at a skill level to pull off what it was I wanted to do. This is the primary reason I'm leaving it as is. With all that being said, please give me some tips or some cnc on some things I might have missed. Thanks.
Although the story was well fleshed out; the fact that you acknowledged some of your errors, along with the other errors that I noticed kinda makes me feel like you don't really deserve it. You would have won me over if the list of errors you had wasn't so large. Meaning you went back and tried to change some of them, atleast giving it an attempt. A static map isn't the problem, you can simply fix that by adding simple tweens to give the camera a slow pan, which is one of the most simple things to do that could keep a viewer engaged. I liked to animation on the coins, but I feel like that dialogue is a little choppy. A few errors I found: -Your character pops into the frame at the start of the video; why not just place the character model there to begin with? Spoiler -The Adi's font changed sometime in the animation, around 1:50. Spoiler Overall this shows promise, but I don't think it's there quite yet. Push yourself a little harder and I think you've got it!
I guess if I had to sum up some CnC in two words, it would be this: Exposition overload. You already pointed this out yourself tho, so there's no need for me to elaborate much there. Your story is there, but whether it's being told in an interesting way or not is another question. Also, give your character a motivation, a conflict, and a resolution. She's sharing a body with another person. She's poor. She needs to figure out who she is. Good. But what's going to stop her? What kind of danger awaits in her journey? These questions weren't answered. Instead, we meet some girl who owns a weapon shop. Yay. Unfortunately, it's a no for me, but I recommend checking out Jaycie's little short on his character. Observe how he starts the story, foreshadows conflict, and resolves it while beginning a new story. Something to think about when you work on writing structure for your remake. Keep improving and good luck next time!
Thanks. I'm surprised I missed that little pop in at the beginning. And you're right, I should have least attempted to fix some of the problems. I actually wouldn't mind some elaboration on the exposition overload problem, since I'm at a bit of a loss on how i might fix it, even if i am aware of the problem. Also thanks for the pointers on the story itself btw, I'll definitely keep them in mind next time.
