I know I don't post here often, or be active in the community too much but I want to change that. So first I wanna share my life experiences and hope to be better in the future. Some things will be vague as I'm still trying to come to grips with my online presence, who I am, what I want to be. I grew up heavily naive, throwing myself fully into cartoons, animations thinking life was something was a "game" in a way, or at least that's how I viewed it as first. Now I'm here, reflecting the bad decisions and the problem I caused for people. I've always tried to pride myself on being a hard worker, but it was always just me hardly working. I was always a creep to women, entitled thinking I'm a person of virtue, always wondering why I don't have a girlfriend. Why things never worked out for me. It's because I refused to grow as a person, I just cruised myself, spent all my "luck" as you will to getting to this point... Surviving. Truth is, I'm undeserving of the few achievements I've attained, I stepped on the hands of my friends, I was always emotionally manipulative. Everyone always tries to help me and I did take it but, the problem was I never really helped myself. I never thought to myself that, "I should change", "I should treat people better." Here I am, hardly with any degree of accomplishment or from school, overweight, hardly any skills mastered. Still I found myself entitled to a lot of things, saying I can do better, I can surpass so and so. All because I was prideful, and took everything as a joke. Even now I still make worthless memes and jokes instead of addressing the mirror. Looking at what I've become, look at all the wasted time and experiences. I wish I could take a moment and apologize to every friend I've stepped on and hurt, all the girls/women I was a creep to. Most of all to my parents that have supported me for so long, I've always felt like they've took me for granted but I've took them for granted and this community. I still have trouble facing the past, to look into the details of the path I took from public school all the way to now. The wasted time, the wasted experiences. I've only shown the good side to my friends/best friends but I know I would be viewed as a different person if I just reflect on my full history, the times I got angry, thee time I blame others for my self made problems. I'm told I'm a good person, but I haven't been until recently, and even then I still fall back on screwing up things for myself and people. Now I have a choice to make, I could continue to be on the self destructing path or I can be better. I choose to be better, to be more active in the community instead of just inserting myself here and not contribute anything. I want to engage with my hopes and dreams of being a better human being as well as an animator, a writer, and even make music, I want to improve myself in all of the crafts that help guide me little by little to the right path as well as give my friends, family, everyone the love and respect they deserve and finally put away my ego and selfish beliefs. I will definitely work on eating better and exercising a lot more as well. I will be a person that I can finally look in the mirror and say I finally love myself. Also I thank you all for welcoming me into this community and promise I will have a lot to show and share in the future.
It's definitely a great thing to hear you admit to yourself your flaws and willingness to do better. I hope to see those results if you decide to share them! :) Myself, I'm feeling a similar situation, being stuck on a rut, trying to grow, but never really doing so, and it has affected my health both physically and mentally. I definitely feel a bit inspired from hearing your words and hope we can both get out of our ruts.
Good job on self reflecting, but don't be too hard on the negative of yourself, you're not a bad person if you regret yourself in your actions, you're a good person that just had bad situations happen in life. We are constantly learning and falling on our won steps. Focus on you, it's your life and you deserve to make the best out of it, create plans and good habits, learn to apologize if you feel you did something wrong and move on from there. I love this, it is extremely important, start doing it straight away. I do it every day, it may look you're crazy but every day I look at the mirror and tell the good things I think about me, how I am worth it, how I am doing a great job. Don't skip a day, if you don't believe in your words, go to someone straight away that you trust and their opinion is important and ask them for help. Remember it's good to have this first step of acknowledging yourself, but there's a limit into helping yourself, you can't do everything alone. You'll do good. Keep waking up every morning with a good decision, mine is making the bed. I'm not super active here but if you want I'm here for support. Spoiler I listen to this song from time to time to help me get through my dark days. for me it helps a lot.
