Clay for News Team

Discussion in 'Closed Applications' started by Clay, Jan 11, 2015.

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  1. Clay

    Clay Supah Veteran Membah'

    Aug 22, 2011
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    Tell us your biography. Who are you? How did you become active in this media? Why? When? Who taught you?Just tell us a little about yourself.

    Well I've been in the maple community for 4 years after I been inspired by Dray, Mali, Derek,CCShinobi, and Zyx (the guy who made maple evil). When I started maple it was rough, like I would think everything I made was good just like any other new person. So on my first year I made was banned because I asked for custom poses, but I didn't know it was private. Later after I was banned from MM I went to another maple community called Maple Guide with Jak the Hobo and Uncle 2k, but due to my short temper and ignorance I was later banned for stealing sprites. So I went on to other maple communities that later die after some years I've gotten better at spriting, but my animation can still be compared to a beginner. So though out the years of this community I came back after Jaws told the admins to lift my ban, because I truly change over the years. Also to answer the question of who taught me, I taught myself with few tutorials. I tried to learn from Sai, but he usually offline so I couldn't get much criticize from him. I was some what taught by Master Taki and Swissed Toast.
    Tell us anything we need to know about your future behavior in the team.Why do you want this position? What are your plans to improve the team? How dedicated are you?

    My behavior will be always be professional as the news cast on TV. I want to join this position because of all the great things members bring but doesn't get that one great feed back. I know there still some members that are new at what they do. I will take the time to look over every M.B.R. every week of the day ,and give it all the spotlight it deserves. I know some M.B.R. between two amateur animators isn't great. To me I think it great that they never quit what they love doing. So to improve the team I will go over what the people like to see, and give the most hard working member the spotlight they need. I've been dedicated to maple community for years, I never told anyone to give up on what they love, and continue the week with everyone getting better.

    Example of your writing:

    I usually don't write as much as I should.
    but last year I did made a speech about my 4 years story

    Select the rubrics you wish to write for.

    General forum news
    Top media
    MBR reviews
    Project announcement

    Your own suggestion:

    Question not replied

    Do you have anything else to add?

    I hope I get the position.

    View full application
  2. Sekka*

    Sekka* The Snake
    Retired Staff

    Aug 14, 2014
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    (I am not sure if I am allowed to CnC other peoples applications if I too am applying, if this is inappropriate on my part please forgive me.)

    First, I would like to take the time to CnC your example of writing (Click the spoiler, text that is bold is his, italicized text is mine.)

    Today marks my 4 year anniversary of when I started maple animations, maps, sprites, and comics.

    -Naming every form of media within the community is not needed. Simple saying "When I joined the Maple community" would be much better.
    -Using "4" instead of "four" makes the writing seem less professional.

    I been doing this for 4 year and been on many maple forums that later get old. To you I may be some

    -*I have or I've.
    -Again, "4" instead of "four".
    -*and have been on many maple forums that are now considered rather old. Just an example of a way to make that phrase more fluid.
    -*To you,

    guy who know spriting, but no I'm just a guy who understands all things that people love.

    -*But, that isn't the case,

    Yet I wonder how long till we all split apart.

    -Really sudden transition that really doesn't make sense to me after reading the material above it, maybe trying to express this feeling of worry a bit before this point would have made it a stronger part of this.
    -*until is usually better for formal pieces.

    4 year back I watch CCshinobi videos called Attack of the Noobs I was awed by it and how it was animated,but

    -*Four years back, I watched one of CCshinobi's videos called "Attack of the Noobs". I was awestruck by it and how well animated it was.

    looking back it really outdated like a mother eeffer. Just like all the animators I wonder how do I make my own

    -The whole "looking back it really outdated like a mother eeffer" thing is irrelevant information unless it was being used to transition into your next point, which it wasn't.
    -*Just like all of the other animators, I wondered how I too could make my own videos...

    videos just like he did, so i discovered maplesimulator. I animated my first fighting animation and just like any

    -Going more into what your first animation was would have made this point stronger.

    new animator with no training or tutorials I thought it was good.

    Few weeks later I saw an MBR videos and I thought "wow this is awesome" it was Tate fighting some clown thing.

    -*A few
    -* video
    -Using "I" twice was kinda redundant, you could have just said "I saw an MBR video and thought..."
    -*Comma after "wow this is awesome".

    I watched so many MBR videos on that day and I son joined Maplemation, but shortly banned by BigBang for

    -I would suggest trying to go more into detail about your first experiences with MapleMation, unless you where literally banned the first day you joined.
    -*But shortly after being banned by...

    some unknown reason, then I discovered there was another place for me to go and it was Maple-Guide.

    -*I then discovered...
    -*for me to go, and it was called Maple-Guide.

    I soon registered with my old user name and later I found cool friends with messenger and skype.

    Later (aka 1month later) I joined another new forum called Mapleevolution where

    -Interesting use of "a.k.a."...
    -I would suggest not using (this) to add information in a piece.
    -Again, you didn't really go very deep into your time on Maple-Guide.

    I met three my best online friends Soniow, Mark, and the other one i can't remember, but he was a huge halo fan.

    -*three of my
    -It completely kills the feeling of your friendship when you can't remember one of there names, although I do appreciate at least trying to give him some characteristics after not being able to provide his name.

    We all laughed, played, and shared, until I got my first ban, and soon left the forum for a new one.

    -Your first ban? Wasn't MapleMation your first ban? On the timeline you have present in this piece, the "until I got my first ban" makes no sense.
    -I don't think "and soon I left the forum for a new one" is the best thing you could have put there. I would suggest using imagery to paint the picture of you being forcibly kicked out of the community.

    As I hoped this forum would be my home. I cannot remember the forum name so let just call it SoonToDie forums.

    -Combining the previous phrase with the first one in this line would have been much better. (IE. "soon left the forum for a new one, hopeing that this forum would be my home.")
    -Unlike last time, I feel like not knowing it's name adds an excellent feeling of hopelessness, as you had been through so many before that this one is just a blur, not sure if it was on purpose or not, but I liked it.

    I later went on this SoonToDie forums and it was great at first, until I met this guy named Jake.

    -*As I continued to go on this...

    Oh can you guess which Jake is it if you can I'll donate to ya if I have permission.

    -A rather irrelevant sentence...

    As I made sprited on one SoonToDie Jake pointed out everything, but I was so blinded with pride and rage, I was later

    -*As I made sprites on the forum, Jake pointed out everything wrong with them. I was so blinded by pride and rage... (go into what you did here...)
    -You shouldn't repeat the name of the forum so much, try to find other ways to refer to the forum, but make sure people will understand them.

    can you guess? BANNED. I soon sneaked under Maple-guide as Raptile and gained their trust over the year, and

    -*snuck into
    -If it was actually a year, I would suggest rewording it to "and gained their trust during the year I was present,...", if it was multiple years, I would suggest putting "and gained their trust within the years I was on the forum,...".

    I was happier then last time, but it soon ended one year later. I was sad I had to leave a land with a mask without telling

    -Pick either "it soon ended" or "one year later", don't use both.

    them who I really am,but I didn't wanna get banned again.

    -*want to

    So I went back to maplemation which I am now known as LeoBreg.

    -I liked the mask imagery you where using, but you just stopped... A more powerful sentence would have been "So, I went back to MapleMation, removing the mask which previously restricted me and once again taking back my name, LeoBreg." or something like that.

    Then I got banned, guess the admin never forgot about me, but later unbanned.
    (not really because I had Jaws as a friend who got me unbanned for a ban that was long over do.)

    -Again, no detail for your actual stay in MapleMation.
    -Really killed the seriousness of the piece, using some more imagery or some symbolism to make your ending have more impact would have been nice.

    Now, after taking the time to CnC that, the main flaws I see is a lack of formatting, an exceeding amount of grammar mistakes, and very poorly done transitions from one idea to another. I also looked a bit into your post history. Not to offend you but a lot of your posts are short, and rather full of grammatical errors. Since this will be a team that represents the forum in some ways, I would think that grammar and other writing based skills would come into play, and I don't think you have honed them. If this truly is a valid representation of your writing abilities, I don't quite think you are ready for the News/Literature team.
    Lynus and Surani like this.
  3. Clay

    Clay Supah Veteran Membah'

    Aug 22, 2011
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    If I want criticize for my grammar then I will say want to be criticize. Since I didn't please don't brother me. As for detail for staying in maplemation, I like to be on other maple related forums too. As for that speech I made last year it was for Lynus to see if he stays which he did in fact. Thank you for the "cnc" but I don't really need it.
  4. Taki

    Taki Kuulas enthusiast
    Retired Staff

    Jan 10, 2010
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    You should appreciate it, especially after the effort she's put in it. She gave you very useful and simple tips that you could use to become a better writer and maybe a possible candidate for the future.
    Well, i could see myself that you aren't the best writer, but seeing how much mistakes a decent writer found in your text helped.
    If you don't even accept critique on your grammar, i don't see you in the team.

    @sekka: Application threads are always open for critique and professional input. That was very appropriate.

    PS: I appreciate and enjoy compliments, but i don't like kiss asses. Calling me "master" even tho i don't recall ever teaching you anything was a bad move. It's not just you, I've seen this a few times during my position of an admin already. Look, if you compliment me i will thank you and in most cases compliment you back. If you compliment just to bribe me, i would most likely reject you for the sole fact that you think i'm that stupid.

    Edit: Btw, you are not yet rejected. We will wait and see who else applies.
    Thewindyfan and Sekka* like this.
  5. Aidan

    Retired Staff

    Jan 16, 2010
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    Considering the role writes news articles for the site and this IS an English-based forum, I would think grammar would be a top priority. It would be one of the top things I'd look for when hiring a copywriter.

    The application in general feels very unprofessional. You don't seem to be fit for this role.
    Sekka* likes this.
  6. Clay

    Clay Supah Veteran Membah'

    Aug 22, 2011
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    you know what I just had a deja vu about this so I guess you can say lock it and just reject it.
    Just before I get myself banned.
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