Dad

Note to self: Don't get cut by metal again

A nurse finds a rectal thermometer in her pocket and thinks: "Some asshole has my pen"

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.

I keep forgetting that I'm still alive.

Hi dad.

Dad Jokes? Ha. Where?

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

A furniture store keeps calling me. All I wanted was one night stand.

Dad Jokes? Daily? Where?

What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

im very tired

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

How do you make Ice cream? You go to Sundae school.

I forgot to tell a dad joke. oops

You can't run while camping. You can only ran, because it's past tents.

Dad joke for the day : A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.