Lia

Lia

Basic Information
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Name: Lia Winter
Age: Unrecorded
Gender: Female
Likes : Silence | Animals | Things she deems "cute" | Gaining knowledge. | Frequent Naps
Dislikes : Time | Being pestered | Insignificant problems | Being overwhelmed with emotions | Painful things
Hobbies/Interests: Reading | Learning Spells and Skills
Ability: Time-Space Manipulation

Summary:

Spoiler

Lia is an illegitimate child of a timekeeper who inherited minor abilities to manipulate time and space around her. She seems knowledgeable about many things, but does not seem to like informing people about her 'timely' powers. Though very quiet, she seems to know her way around boisterous battles.

Personality:

Spoiler

Initially Lia does not seem phased by most things, her pokerface seems to be like an unchanging mask on her face. Her damaged vocal chords cause her to have a very monotonous voice, making her seem blank and cold. She attends to her daily jobs with the same blank emotion on her face. This causes many people to believe that she is unapproachable and cold.
When approached she is quite the opposite. She makes up for her monotonous voice with facial expressions, which change often when she is speaking to someone or is engaging in battles. She has an awkward sense of humor, but is easily amused by most things. Lia is also extremely gullible in casual conversations and will listen attentively when being told new information; especially if it is all just a hoax.
Her contrasting personality seems to be an insecurity of hers and when it is brought up she seems embarrassed or upset at the statements. She is also flustered very easily and is very bad at hiding the fact.

Backstory:

Spoiler

Lia is an illegitimate child of a human woman and timekeeper, which caused many conflicts while growing up. Her father abandoned her and her mother in order to keep his reputation as a respected timekeeper and her mother raised Lia on her own. Growing up, Lia did not know who her father was as her mother hid the fact from her. She accepted that she did not have a father and lived life with her mother who was often criticized and labeled a whore. This caused children in Lia's hometown to mistreat her, which eventually caused her to become the main target for bullying. During Lia's pre-teen years, she started developing minor time manipulation powers. Lia's mother forbid her from using such abilities, and Lia complied until the bullying among her peers became violent.
In an effort to humiliate Lia, one of her peers tried to scar her face with a knife. Fearing blood, Lia used her powers in order to stop time. Unable to wield her long-manifested powers properly, when time resumed, there was a shock wave that let off Lia's stored energy, which harmed her peers fatally and took a huge toll onto her body. This accident damaged her body and her vocal chords to the point that she could not more or make noise.
Shortly after, the timekeepers heard of this event and approached her after she had made recovery. She and her mother was interrogated about her origins and abilities, and eventually her father was found out to have slept with a human woman and was stripped of his titles and duties. Lia, because of her inability to control her powers was dangerous, was taken to the timekeeper's guild.
At the timekeeper's guild, Lia had to go through a rigorous training program in order to keep her powers under check. However after months of having little to no progress, the timekeepers gave up and started to create a clock that would suppress Lia's powers. This clock was imbued by magic from the head keeper. This clock, worn on Lia at all times, did not suppress her powers, but allowed them to become stable. Upon discovery, Lia was to start training her abilities. Unfortunately, however, the timekeeping powers along with the clock was too much for Lia's body and every time she uses her ability, her body takes some form of damage.

Ability | Powers :

Spoiler

Despite her abilities harming her, Lia can use her abilities to a minor scale moderately.

Time Stop
She is unable to stop more than three objects at a time before taking damage. Lia has a maximum limit of 6 seconds to stop objects. If she stops two objects, she can only spare 4, and for three objects she has 2 seconds before taking toll. Granted, she can still use her powers for longer, but it will start to harm her and cause major headaches.

Fast Forward
Lia can essentially speed things up, but it only does not take toll if she speeds herself up for short amounts of time. She uses this primarily to dodge attacks or move behind someone. Using this ability too much can exhaust her.

Copycat
Lia is able to make a temporary copy of herself that may attack or just serve as a decoy. These copies are created by calling forth a different time-space and oddly do not seem to affect Lia as much as her other powers. The copies are monochromatic and lack the keeper's clock on her head so are easily distinguishable from Lia.

Astra
Astra is a bow that is seen in multiple forms. It manifests from the magical properties of Lia's Keeper clock. Though it can be used for short amounts of time, Lia is able to use it and command it by her will. Despite the Astra's multiple forms, it is always seen as an yellow-orange glow of a bow.

*Edits will probably be made on this! Would like some CnC to perhaps touch upon/correct some parts of the Bio.

Planned Edits
Information about Timekeepers
Strengths/Weaknesses

As good as it sounds.
The overall backstory doesn't leave as much of an impact, as i thought it would.
The backstory, was cliche & written in a way where it looks like a burden to the person reading it.
Making a good story doesn't mean you have to be original 'n all that shit. It depends on how it's told (as you most likely know).
Stories are like jokes. A good, creative joke told poorly, will make it feel forced and boring. Yet a bad, cliche joke told really well. Will make people burst out laughing.
Saying that, i don't mean it's overall bad. Giving more drama would provide a more serious tone to certain aspects. I'm pretty sure, your vocabulary stock is big, with that. It should be easier for you to write it. But giving too much complicated shit will make it harsh, yet making it too casual will make it feel childish.

You also should expand certain parts.
Ex. ", her body takes some form of damage."
This feels like a bad attempt on a cliff-hanger. It feels, like it doesen't matter for shit.
"with her mother who was often criticized and labeled a whore" Same, why was the labeled as a whore? Maybe i'm retarded. But i don't remember, that someone got called a whore for not having a man (Maybe I've understood something incorrectly, or too dumb. But a good story has to be easily understood to even a dipshit like me). Most of the scenes, like her being attacked by a peer. Lacks fucking logic. She's a child, but at a certain age. Kids aren't afraid of blood, so giving us her actual age. Would explain alot of stuff.

^^^^^
Overall, giving more info bout' such stuff will give it more taste.

-Now the powers.
What i really like, is that you explained most of the stuff. How does that happen, etc.
Yet you should specify:
"Astra
Astra is a bow that is seen in multiple forms" - Things like that. Multiple forms? It can be a sword, shield, spear? Saying multiple, not saying what forms they have. Leaves a hole in the abilities of the actual bow.

Last thing i see. is
We lack information about the world.
"Learning Spells and Skills"- Ok so, is that a fantasy world, where everybody can be fucking houdini?
" timekeeper's guild.", "Learning Spells" There are guilds? Assuming that, isn't "magic power" a common thing?
10/9 would read again



This is how I see it, if i got things wrong, correct me.

NobleJuice said: (post #330182)

Most of the scenes, like her being attacked by a peer. Lacks fucking logic. She's a child, but at a certain age. Kids aren't afraid of blood, so giving us her actual age. Would explain alot of stuff.

You can't really assume "logic" until she defines what type of world her character is in. Our norms and the norms of a fictional world aren't necessarily parallel, but through the way it is presented is how it evokes a response from the audience (reality) about these discrepancies.

On that note, there is still a lack of expositional information that ties Lia, but until you have include them, I'll focus on the smaller details of her character biography first.

"Character"

>Like NobleJuice said, including the age of your character (or a rough estimate at least) could give us some insight into the psychological component of Lia and allow us to empathize with her dilemma.
>Under personality, it's more of an explanation of how Lia interacts with people and not so much about what type of character she is. Look into what kind of traits or quirks that your character possesses and work from there. Moreover, you can use this segment to explain Lia's "Likes and Dislikes" as people may wonder why they came to be.
>The backstory ends abruptly; what you could do is include what Lia strives to do after she has been introduced with her first major character flaw. What we only know so far about her life is that she has "daily jobs". Not much is mentioned about where Lia or her mother is after being taken into the timekeeper's guild.

"Abilities"

>Time Stop
>It seems arbitrary to just state "objects" as the target of this ability. Probably some more insight about how this ability works would clarify some misconceptions, but when reading this ability, I think of not "objects" but "space".
>Fast Forward
>As a maneuvering ability, does this ability just make Lia seem faster by "slowing the time" of everything around her or does it actually "speeds up her time"? Otherwise, I believe this could be an absurdly powerful ability that can "speed up" a person's lifespan and essentially cause a person to to die of old age within a matter of moments.
>Copycat
>Space distortion?
>Astra
>"is seen in multiple forms" --- "is always seen as a yellow-orange glow of a bow"
>What is the trigger for it to manifest different forms?

"Misc. Comments"

>Judging from Lia's stoic physical appearance and lethargic nature, I thought your name choices for "Lia" (derived from Leah, meaning "weary" in Hebrew) and "Winter" were amusing. (Unless I'm reading too much into this.)
>You should stay away from using the word, "seem" because it is vague about whether or not Lia is or is not so-and-so. Is she actually knowledgeable or does she just seem that way?
>And also look into some of the meanings of the words you use: "will listen attentively when being told new information; especially if it is all just a hoax." Does Lia know that she is being hoaxed and enjoys it?
>For a character in development, I think this was an enjoyable read. Albeit a bit cliche, it's a matter of your storytelling abilities to draw attention away from the obviousness of a cliche. Fantastic work putting some thought into creating a character and then sharing it with us, I look forward to new additions to Lia's biography.

Hey! i really like this, i personally think that the story is ''Ok'', not too good, not too bad. After all, it is pretty cliche. But something i really like is the fact that your character haves powers over ''Time and Space'', yet, she is not overpowered, cause normally, characters with those powers, are usually exaggerated to the point they basically destroy the entire universe with just a blink. The clock ribbon thing is also a nice detail, and the fact that her chords were damaged sounds a bit original to me. Also, your character uses something similar to a ''Bow''. That sounds interesting, good luck on animating that, there are barely any bow animations.

Personally, i think that you're a bit similar to me when it comes to creativity. Also, this is completely unrelated, but have you made that profile picture? Cause it looks really good! I just love the artstyle.

Nice character.
Kinda wish i had your story writing skills.