Cursed Carmine

I don't know if I have updated my character but alot has changed through life and so has my character.
Old Name: Kzar Kiske
New Name: D. Carmine
Bio: The D in his name stands for Death. Out of the 4 brothers he is the only one alive. All died of different causes but no matter what the circumstance D Carmine wouldn't die. Cars flying towards him but all stopped short in front of him. He got cursed after his 3rd brother died with him in battle though he doesn't know it yet. He's very animated (just like his creator) though his animated actions brought a lot of problems. He has made some enemies of the MM state and not just small enemies. He has made an enemy of the Queen of MM and some of her followers. He now tries to avoid extremely large capitals for the Queen has posted Wanted Signs for his head. He is still trying to figure out 2 things. What can he do to amend with the Queen and what will the curse do if awakened?
Weapon: Sword
Special Ability: Copies any move and does it with 2x the power.
Downside to Ability: Slows his regeneration if overused.

that story sounds of clanyton carmine of gear of war 3 and the series coincedes

jose117 said: (post #330748)

that story sounds of clanyton carmine of gear of war 3 and the series coincedes

If you played the Gears series A B and G Carmine die. G Carmine is Gears 4 but I try to coincide it with my favorite game thanks for the compliment :)

I like the Maplemation anime too

"Some comments and critique"

Ok, let's talk about it piece by piece.

The D in his name stands for Death. Out of the 4 brothers he is the only one alive. All died of different causes but no matter what the circumstance D Carmine wouldn't die.

Small grammar problem I have is how there should be a comma after "brothers". Now there's nothing wrong with an edgy personality, or backstory. To most of us anyway. Although, the idea of being immortal and having the word, "death" as a name simply through living isn't particularly enough. Maybe you should be more specific about how the other brothers died. Aside from the title given, there isn't much else that gives his that kind of proper title.

Cars flying towards him but all stopped short in front of him.

Why is this kind of sentence brought up here of all places? It may be a better idea to emphasize the name with relation to the brother rather than bringing in "cars" for no reason. Especially since you have the next sentence, which is,

He got cursed after his 3rd brother died with him in battle though he doesn't know it yet.

What do you mean by, "though he doesn't know it yet"? How does one just not become aware of a dead brother, in the same battle? And what is this curse?

He's very animated (just like his creator) though his animated actions brought a lot of problems.

Before I make a top kek insult, I just want to ask how this is actually related to the bio of being named, "Death". Also, how did his animated actions create problems? Be more specific.

He has made some enemies of the MM state and not just small enemies. He has made an enemy of the Queen of MM and some of her followers. He now tries to avoid extremely large capitals for the Queen has posted Wanted Signs for his head.

Due to the little information that was provided about said problems, we, or at least me, have to assume what kind of problems happened. (Which probably isn't something you'd want from us).

He is still trying to figure out 2 things. What can he do to amend with the Queen and what will the curse do if awakened?

You could throw a : after things. First off, what problems are there to amend if we're unsure as to what said problems are. Next, again, what's the actual curse? Is it his abilities, becoming a devil? Same problem; too little information.

Weapon: Sword
Special Ability: Copies any move and does it with 2x the power.
Downside to Ability: Slows his regeneration if overused.

Interesting Kirby ability, and in my opinion the portion that I feel less weirded about. I just hope that "animated" and "copy" don't mix to "copy animations".

So, overall, I think the bio as a whole is rather lackluster. Due to the lack of details, the rest doesn't stand out to me too much. The base seems to be there, just too vague. Unfortunately, the kind of "issues" that arose during your time on Discord definitely doesn't serve you any good. For more direct problems I see, double check your grammar, rethink about the edgy personality (Scrap or somehow surround the information of death more than simply lol people died around me) and try to be more specific. I'm not telling you to write a whole 5-page essay, good god no, just, maybe a few more sentences being specific. Hope you read this far and here's hoping to some improvement in the next bio, or even this one.

Shulkle said: (post #330773)

I like the Maplemation anime too
I'll comment n critique this bio as a whole later...because I do have some hicks about it and I believe you have the tolerance to take it.

but the rules of mbr profile is not make a charater base of othre charaters of anime o games right because his character base of gear of war series