School life Education: So I started failing school at 3rd grade, and it wasn't because I was lazy it was just very difficult for me to understand whats going on. When I also pay attention to class I have trouble focusing. One second I'm listening to the teacher and the next I'm looking at the floor thinking of absolutely nothing, just having a staring contest with the floor or ceiling. I never gotten a A, B or even a C at any core classes at all. 3rd grade to graduation I never gotten a single C or above I always felt stupid. I only got to the next grade level because I was at GPA requirement or I was 1 point above the requirement. When I walked during graduation I felt embrassed because I walked out of school with a certificate of completion, I looked backed on all those years to see I was nothing but a failure, just like my father... Bullying: I was always picked on just like most people are in school. I wasn't really physically bullied that much... From what I remember... In elementary I get the air punched out of me when this punch my stomach. His reason? None he just walked up to me and did it. In a different elementary school this kid picked me up and put me against the wall about to beat me just because of a kick ball game. Luckly nothing happened because a group of girls saw everything and pleaded with the big kid to put me down and so he did. But not even 3mins after recess was done I was walking back to class a kid threw a basket ball like it was a dodge ball to my face and I fell to the ground fast. A lot of people saw but did nothing but looked and felt bad. Middle School I was remember being chocked when this group of kids asked me to come there. I saw a couple of girls that I rememeber being nice in class so I thought it was safe. They asked me a question and out of nowhere this kid comes from behind and chocked me to the point I passed out just for a min. We were all outside of the cafeteria and we were the very few people outside when lunch was around. No one did anything because no one saw anything, and those nice girls just felt bad like everyone else. Now for the mental abuse the worst ones but short and quick to explain. People say a lot of sh*t to me all the time and my mom never prepared me on how to handel those things (she will disagree of course). People called me stupid, small, skinny, weak, nobody, freak, retard, f*ggot, just like my father (mother), waste of human space, wimp, you get the point. Practically almost the entire book of names. Your probably thinking ah just ignore them. You can't simply ignore these, especially if you hear these words every single day, every class, every second for years. Even when people don't say a word to me, I can still hear those words like there was a broken record in my head. I'm pretty sure people heard of this but did you know the more repeat a opinion over and over you eventually believe they are facts? The bullying went from 4th grade to 10th grade. Even today those words run into my head. Social: Didn't really have one. There was a time when a girl came up to me and ask why I was alone(Middle School, and surprise surprise I had a crush on her at the time). It was her first time in Florida so I was guessing she was looking for a friend I guess. We became best friends and hanged out and talked a lot. At one point she had a crush on me but then she thought I was being clingy I have no idea. I guess it was because she was really the only friend I had at the time so I usually came to her to talk to. There was a point in time where the school hated her for rumors and such. She was alone so I did the samething she did to me when I was alone. She said I was the only one who was nice to her. You can say it was because I had feelings for her but I didn't want her to feel the same way I felt all the time. We "dated" and went to the dance together and she avoided me the entire time. She went to grind on other guys and when the slow dance came on she only danced with me for a minute and left me. Like she was in a rush to leave the slow dance with me. Next week after the dance she broke up with me. Wasn't until later in the day she told me she did all that to because she felt bad for me... I felt sad, patheic, like a nobody and nothing. Then my sadness became anger. I thought it in my head why does everyone treat me like I was just a empty can they kick around for fun. I repeat it to myself "Why me? What did I do?" That question was also a broken record in my head. After my sadness went to anger I just fought back anyone who messed with me. Not physically of course only when I knew I can win. I mentally messed with people as they did to me. I knew how to trigger people to swing at me and knew when to keep it at the limit. I didn't fight back 90% of the time because I kept the school rules in my head. So if anyone swinged at me they get kicked out of school. I was small and fast so I just kepting their punches and trip them. I go to lunch detention but the other kids get kicked out of school for a while. Man this story is sounding more fake by the second I write this. But only the senior year I sat with friends and went and did wrestling. I made many friends but of course I won't see them again after graduation. Family: Dad: Mom divorced him because he had no education was abusive. He acts like a stud too. Didnt seen him till I was 13 before that I last saw him since I was 4. Step Dad: (I was 5-9 yr olds at this time): At the beginning he was nice and funny. Marine built and was a respectable guy. Soon changed I don't why. But he went abusive, when I was 8 he picked me up by the throat and threw me against a door. He went a lil overboard on punishment. Cheated on my mom and my mom divorced him. Simple as that. Mom: I know my mom means well but I feel like she makes a competition on how her life was more shitty than mine. I don't tell anything because she says the wrong things to make me feel better. I don't want her to movitivate me because when I fail she makes me feel like sh*t. When I graduated a couple months before this post was made she went by a super market and said I should go work there because it required no education. After many months of failing tests to get my dipolma when I passed she can only say "Finally..." Ever time I try to speak up to her because she thinks I need to she will tell me to shut up because she talking. You know parent logic. Overall I say my mother is a hypocrite. Brother: My brother is a as**ole. He been doing better but for 95% of my childhood he was a asshole. He would never support me in my need when I needed a brother to be there. He was one of many many bullies. But now he been doing better as a brother. He even made a bet with our family friends that I won't graduate highschool. I mean he not much of a*s as he use to be. Step Sister: She was nice to me. She was a good person. I haven't talked to her since the divorced but she has a kid and I hope she doing well. My uncles think there something wrong with me mentally, who knows they are most likely right. They know how my mother is and all but they tell me to respect her. But no one ever says the right words. All they tell me is to struge it off and "Are you with those kids in school now? No. So your okay." I wish it was as simple as that. Me: I spent my time mostly alone. I never felt safe in school and at home. I mostly kept to my games like Kingdom Hearts and Maplestory. That game was really the only thing that kept me somewhat sane. I remember the music and qoutes and it gives me hope. Maplestory with all the friends I made in that game they were good people. I'm not happy or sad with life. I just keep a emotionless face to myself when I'm around people I keep a smile so people don't ask questions why are you sad? Like they did all the time in middle school. I get social anxiety when I talk to people. I barley know anything about whats hip and stuff in the world because again I keep to myself. So sports and pop culture aren't my thing. I tried to "retire" from life twice because everything was too much for me. Im 19 now and go to Full Sail University for game art. I came here to Maplemation because I always like these animations of maplestory. One because it was maplestory and 2 the animations were funny and cool. I always wanted do these animaitons and now since I got a laptop (Mac sadly for school) I can animate! What I want to animate a character and make a project thats similar to my life but more anime of course and make a message to never give up on life. Always be on the good side, and follow your heart and junk. I don't want people to go through I went through. I know I can't save people but I want to at least guide them with a powerful message to give them hope. I want to make a project that inspires people. So if your thinking "Man I can make something out of this kid life" HA JOKES YOU ON YOU CAUSE I THOUGHT IT OF FIRST AND ILL SUE! Don't worry about me if you are. I'm been more positive since college its time for change. So yeah thats all I gotta say! I don't why I posted this tbh lmao. Just never give up I guess. The bigger the shadow the greater the light.